Today is Random Acts of Kindness Day, actually it is for the whole week. I decided to pay it forward, help those in need. First random act: help a poor Catholic school girl with her religious education. She called me a freak, so clearly she has forgotten her Bible verses like do onto others. I love tutoring and being a mentor. I think teaching is one of the truly selfless professions. I sat down with this particular school girl and assisted her with her Catechisms. As she recited them, I fucked her tight little virgin cunnie with a cross while I recited the Lord’s Prayer. She needed reminded how much Jesus loved her. Blood squirted out her pink pussy, but I held her down and kept fucking her whore twat until she said knew her catechisms by heart. Her devotion to God was overwhelming. We all stray off the path of righteousness every now and then. Perhaps I missed my calling. I’d make a hell of a Sunday School teacher.
Second random act: assisted suicide of two very ill girls. They suffered from narcissistic asshole syndrome. Folks who can aid the weak and feeble minded end their worthless lives are so very courageous. Saints actually. I am no saint, but I can recognize a cry for help when I see one. So when these two young twats started spewing obscenities and hate towards me over a parking space at the mall, I knew they clearly wanted to die. I followed them back to their home, forced myself in, and slit their wrists with a razor blade. They were obviously too sick to live, and too weak to kill themselves. I channeled Dr. Kevorkian, cut deep enough to hit an artery, and let them bleed out peacefully in their bathtub as to not leave a mess for their family. Thank goodness for answered prayers and random acts of kindness.
Third random act: assist an old man getting rid of the source of much turmoil in his life. Some of us have trouble getting rid of the negative energy in our lives. Trouble letting go of someone or something we love very much, but is simply no good for us. I helped this man recognize how much better his life could be without the evil that resided between his legs. You see he was born with a demon instead of a penis. This demon made him do very bad things to women and little boys, even animals. He lacked the strength, like many do, to part ways with the negative force in his life, so I helped him. I sat him down and had a come to Jesus talk with him about the nasty, troublesome appendage in his life. Then, I hacked his penis right off, and fed it to his dog. Blood spurted out all over the wall and floor, but that is a small price to pay for a new beginning. He will clearly be a better person without the this negative force in his life. And, I feel so much better having been able to help him become a better man. As Sir Paul wrote, “We get by with a little help from our friends.”
Life is just too short not to help those in need. I am not Mother Theresa, but I recognize a cry for help when I see one. I’m just so glad my parents raised me with a do onto others attitude in life, otherwise so many more poor souls would be lost. How can I help you become a better person?
