Looking for accomplice phone sex? Well, I am a sadistic bitch always hunting prey, which is always more fun with an equally twisted partner. Winter is approaching and I have this creepy little cabin in the mountains where bodies are easily hidden. You see hunting prey in the snow is better because no one will find the bodies for months. And, if they do, they are in an advanced stage of decomposition making identification difficult. My little kill shack is off the beaten path, but near enough to a ski lodge that we can kidnap victims easily. You would be amazed how many novice skiers get off the bunny slope and end up in my backyard by mistake, which makes them trespassers, which makes them free to hunt. It is just as easy to stalk our prey at the nearby ski lodge too. Hell this last time, my accomplice John and I just told this couple we wanted to have them for dinner. Once they arrived, we were liberal with the libations to cushion the blow that we were literally going to have them for dinner. The blizzard had rendered us unable to get to the store and our food supply was dwindling. Flesh may not be our preferred choice of meat, but the will to survive sometimes calls for extreme measures. Funny, how no couple believes us until we show them the chainsaw, knives, bow and arrows…
We like to hunt; it’s an art form. Anything worth having is worth working for, and dinner is no exception. Hunting your food not only makes it taste better, but gives you a better appreciation for the gift of sustenance. We like to make it challenging so we give dinner a head start. Amanda and Jim were provided snow shoes, and a survival back pack that included a compass, protein bars, bottled water and heat packs. It was snowing really hard, which made this hunt more challenging because we could not follow their tracks. Turns out that was really not a problem because Amanda and Jim were dumbasses. You are being hunted by two strangers, in the mountains, in the snow and you pee? Not up against a tree, but along your trail. They gave us a urine road map straight to them. Guess maybe giving them wine was not really fair. John and I were in the woods not very long when we picked up the scent of human piss. From there it was easy to track them. We actually spotted them early in the hunt, but where is the fun in killing your prey, even stupid prey, so soon? We let them think they were smarter than us. We let them think they might actually escape our horror winter wonderland. We gave them until sunrise. Stalked them, laughed at how stupid they were. They apparently never thought to use the compass we gave them. I was not feeling bad at all about eating them. Stupid people don’t taste worse than smart people. You just feel better eradicating more stupidity in the world.
They got to this ice pond and well, my tummy was gurgling. John and I were in agreement that the hunt was over. I got all Catniss like, drew my bow and got Amanda right in the head, then her meaty companion. Their blood spilled onto the ice turning it a crimson red. We scooped up their dead carcasses, attached them to a thick branch we found, and carried them back to the cabin to join us for supper. In the basement, John used his chainsaw to sever the body parts. I used my knives to skin the flesh off the bones. I cut out the organs to freeze for later meals, and used the flesh to make a nice hearty stew. The skin of two healthy humans makes enough flesh stew to feed two for at least a month. Throw in some potatoes and seasonings and I swear it taste like chicken soup.
My sexy accomplice threw the bones and clothes out back. Either the coyotes will carry it away, or the snow will bury the evidence of our survival games. John and I hunt well together. We fuck like wild animals after every kill too. Hunting our dinner is foreplay. Having an accomplice that understands your dark desires, your taboo fantasies, your sick pleasures is important. Life is too short to kill alone. Let’s hunt, kill and fuck together.
