It’s Sunday, so you know what that means! It’s time to worship the dark Lord and call me for blasphemy phone sex. You might not want to do that, since you’re such a goody two shoes. But trust me – the dark Lord can get you so much further in life than your so-called God. I mean, you aren’t as rich as you want to be yet, right? That’s because you’re still working at that dead-end job. You don’t have the woman that you really want on your arm. But you can have all of that and more when you call me to worship Satan.
Don’t worry, it probably will feel unnatural at first. You’ll probably be scared that you’re going to be struck down and burn in hell. But would that really be such a bad thing? Nah. You’d be there with the dark Lord who really cares about you. He wants to give you all the things you desire, but you just have to get down on your knees and ask for everything you have ever desired. Oh, and of course, you’ll have to denounce the God you’ve been worshiping for your whole life. But that’ll be easy peasy. Just call me and get everything you deserve.