So I decided this year in the spirit of the holiday season Terry would play the fury little thing in pink and lay eggs around in peoples yards for all the brats to find when they woke up. I got the idea when I was at the dollar store watching a bunch of idiots fumble and fight one another over stupid candy to stuff into their plastic eggs. Now normally I would encourage this kind of hatred towards one another but on a day like today I just wanted to get the fuck out of their after dousing the place with tear gas.
So I shoved some of the plastic eggs into my purse and walked out with the choice that I was going to fill these with something everyone could appreciate. I was sitting in my car holding one of them in my hand, it was so shinny and covered in the nastiest pink color you could find. I wracked my brain over what to put in them as I went to pull out of the parking lot only to be cut off by a dick wad in a green suv. That is when it occurred to me it is not so much what as who I should be stuffing this disgusting decorations with. Poor guy was about ready to be planted all around the town. So he pulled into the Floormart parking lot, no doubt in a hurry to pick up something for his little spawn he forgot to grab. I watched him stalking him from the aisle and was already at my car when he got to his which was next to mine. We were both parked at the end of the lot since the lot was stuffed. I pretended to act all damsels in distress like I could not get my trunk open. I poked my butt out for him to see and he took the bait fast like they always did. “Here let me help with that” He said winking at me and lifting the trunk lid. His wedding ring sparkled at me as to say ‘kill this cheating asshole’ And that was all I needed. I knocked him in the back of the head with my tire iron and shoved him in.
When I got home the prick was still passed out and I had to carry his heavy ass all the way to the garage. I tied him to a chair while I laid out layers of plastic to make clean up a little bit easier. Once everything was done I laid him on the floor and grabbed my jar with Curare in it and poked him with a needle and that on the tip. This was going to paralyze his voluntary muscles so I attached oxygen under his nose. I need him to be still for what I was going to do and quiet, but he needed to feel every second of it. I attached tourniquet to each of his limbs tightly. As they became purple I would saw through them one at a time and then cauterize them with my portable electric burner. He breathed heavily and his body became drenched in sweat. I took his leg in my hand and sat by his head, criss cross just like one of his brats would. I took a scalpel too it and began to knife down the skin ripping it. I would then take a shred of it ball it up and stuff it into the eggs. He tried to shut his eyes and I supper glued them upen and held them till they dried. I was even sweet enough to add eye drops. I continued the process of cutting his limbs and stuffing the eggs till all four limbs were done. 4 hours later I had grown bored. I grabbed his wallet and got his address. I took the two bags of egg and chopped off his head to come with me. I giggled; I had forgotten he was alive. Lol. Was.
I took him back to him house and set everything up. When his family woke up the next morning they would find his head in the basket on the porch and eggs of him spread up and down the street. I hope everyone has a memorable Easter this year. I really tried my hardest to make it one no one would forget.
Terry
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