I’m all about a snuff sex Christmas. Let’s just say that I think a few folks do not deserve to be alive on Christmas Day. Perhaps you could consider me an evil Santa Claus. But in my mind, I’m helping society. I’m making the world a better place. One of my favorite things to do this time of year involves porch pirates. I’m sure you’re familiar with the term. Losers who decide to steal other people’s packages for Christmas. I consider them to be the grinches or the scrooges not me.
My local news reported a porch pirate ring, but I knew there had to be a ringleader. If I cut the head off the snake, the rest becomes useless. So, I set up a trap to be able to catch who’s pulling the strings. And the trap turned out to be easy. I just ordered myself a bunch of Amazon shit and left it on the porch. I hid my ring in a non-obvious place to be able to catch the culprit without the culprit knowing that I caught him or her on camera.
And once I caught this bitch, she became a snitch immediately. Pissed herself too, so I killed her. I got what I needed from her. And I gave the wildlife behind my house a holiday meal. Her mother-in-law turned out to be the leader. She couldn’t wait to give her up. A middle-class woman who lives in a nice neighborhood does not need to be stealing packages or running a small crew of porch pirates. She’s killing the Christmas spirit not me. So, I thought she deserved some killer phone sex.
I’m The Grinch Who Saved Christmas
I lured her way almost as easily as I did her daughter-in-law. But this bitch did not receive a quick death. She didn’t deserve it. This bitch did not need to steal other people’s presents. Plus, according to the dead daughter-in-law, she blackmailed everybody in her family into doing her dirty work. So, she deserved a slow, torturous death. And I consider that my specialty.
I’m sure that bitch and her family consider me the Grinch who stole Christmas. But everybody else knows the real Grinch was her. I carved her up like a Christmas turkey. First, I carved porch pirate across her chest, slicing off her nipples too. Then I plunged the knife into her belly button. If you do it just right, you can watch them attempt to keep their insides from spilling out of the open wound.
I made sure this bitch knew what she stood trial for. And why I prolonged her agony. Her actions had consequences. All actions have consequences. And her consequence left her gutted like a pig. I loved watching her take her final breath and every labored breath before that last one too. I may be a statistic phone sex bitch, but I’m the Grinch that saved Christmas. Just nobody will know that but us.




