This is my favorite time of the year. Why? Because it’s BBQ season. I spend the winter capturing fine specimens that I cage and feed, so I may feast on them in May, national BBQ month. You have not had truly down home cooking until you have attended one of my backyard barbecues, which I have daily in May for very special guests. I serve only the finest meat around. The key to a good barbecue is preparation and patience. I have many recipes and I like to share my secrets.
On today’s menu. Pineapple Penny Pig Roast. First, you need a stupid drunk coed who can’t find her way home. Luckily, they are everywhere. Then you need to have a doctor check her out, make sure she is healthy, in good shape, free from disease. More often than not you will need to fatten her up. Why do young girls think they can live on carrots and beer? I am fond of high caloric protein shakes daily for months. Can easily add 25 yummy pounds to any pig. A key component to preparation is restoring the body back to its natural state. Cut out silicon breasts. Remove the chemicals and dyes from hair. Bathe pig daily in a sugar scrub to sweeten and soften her skin. Takes time to prepare a pig for a BBQ, so be patient.
A few days before the BBQ, the entire pig must be marinated or brined or certain parts will taste rather bland. I am particularly fond of brining. A nice apple cider brine enhances pork’s natural flavor. To add even more flavor, you can add an abundance of herbs, onions, pineapple, oranges even hot peppers to the brine solution. I brine my pigs for at least 24 hour. My entire house smells delicious right now. I spent last night injecting the thickest parts of Penny’s meat like the rump and the thighs with my brine solution to insure my guests get flavored meat on more than just the surface cuts. Even the deepest cuts of flesh will taste yummy if you follow my suggestions. Some guests just love to devour flavor infused internal organs, so do not just baste the outside. Make sure you inject the brine or marinade into the thickest parts of meat for the best all around flavoring.
I take pride in my BBQ meat. I don’t just slap some meat on a stick and call it a day. Once my piggy is brined or marinated well, I pay careful attention to trussing. Proper trussing of the pig to the rotisserie spit is the key to perfectly cooked meat. My pigs are fairly large, so the spit needs to go between the thighs, along the inside of the body, just under the spine and out through the mouth. Since the spit is not impaling the meat down the center, it is not necessarily secured to the spit. To prevent flesh from falling off the bone into the fire, heavy duty kitchen twine can be used to secure the spine to the spit about every 6 inches along the length of the meat. The hips, thighs and legs should be trussed securely to hold them tight against each other and the spit. Repeat this procedure for the head and shoulders. Wiggle room in your pig is bad. You want the body to be one with the spit, so when turning it over the open flame, all the flesh cooks evenly.
You cannot rush the cooking of your pig. I am fond of an open fire pit, about 250 degrees, slowly turning for about 24 hours so the skin does not burn or become too tough to chew. For the best results, your pig should be alive while turning her on the rotisserie spit. It’s bonus for you to hear the life cooked out of your pig. Nothing gets me wetter than hearing flesh crackle. and spit while the pig screams in pain. Once your pig is cooked, served it up with some beans and corn bread and you have yourself a yummy backyard BBQ.
Are you a fan of fresh BBQ? Perhaps we can exchange recipes, tricks of the trade, hunting tips…. Maybe we can even have a pig roast together? I find cooking together a sexy bonding experience.
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