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I have cannibalism phone sex fantasies. I am a sick bitch. I am tall with meat on my bones. I love the idea of being cooked alive. My deep dark fantasy almost came true last week when I was hitchhiking. I know today, hitching a ride with a stranger is dangerous. Very dangerous. My car died on the side of the road. It was 95 degrees outside. I had to get in a car. My car was not the only one overheating. A nice older couple picked me up. Honestly, I thought they were harmless grandparents. I didn’t think they could be flesh eating zombies. They gave me a bottled water to cool off. It was obviously spiked because the next thing I knew, I was naked and bound with a stick up my ass. They were putting something on my body. It was butter. Melted butter mixed with herbs was all over my body. I was scared. This was not a fantasy. I was not having a nightmare. Grandpa and grandma were going to cook me alive and eat me. I was dinner. They were singing and smiling like nothing was unusual. I think there is something unusual about cooking a 150-pound blonde goddess alive. When I tried talking, they shoved an apple in my mouth like I was the main course at a Hawaiian luau.  There was a huge pot of boiling water in the corner. I knew that was where I was going next. As a blue haired granny, took sticks of butter and rubbed them all over my body, grandpa cut veggies into the pot. I didn’t think they could move me to the pot. They were old and frail looking. They didn’t need too. They rang a bell and an army of inbred mother fuckers hungry as fuck came and dumped me into the boiling water. I passed out from the pain, so the rest went blank. I hope I fed the family from Deliverance well. Maybe I can bring more satisfaction in death than I could in life.

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