Oh those crazy, crazy Spanish in the middle ages. Using all sorts of delicious sharp objects to help the Heretics find Jesus. All in the name of the Church and God. Imagine sitting in your little mud hut, just feeling miserable because you have nothing to eat, lice are biting your body and head, you smell like piss and shit and in comes one of the King’s guards. They snatch you and your wifey up and you are taken to the center of town. There in all their pompous glory are Bishops from the almighty Catholic Church. You just know you are fucked.
They read the charges, you deny them, they say you are not telling the truth so they take you to a dungeon. Do they sit you down, offer you tea, read a few passages from the Bible and have you pray for forgiveness? Oh no. They get right to the torture, because what is the Catholic Church without some sort of torture? They take your wife, rip her dress off and expose her milky white breasts and push her up against the wall, tits first. You cannot quite see what they are doing, but you can tell by her screams that they aren’t showing her the scenic views.
They step away from her and they ask you one more time if you are guilty. You adamantly deny any charges, because you didn’t do anything wrong. Of course you are wrong, everyone sins, so everyone must repent for something. They pull her shoulders and she screams even louder. You plead with them to stop but they continue. Then the Bishop holds up his hand and says with a sickeningly sweet affect in his voice, “All you have to do is repent then your soul will be saved and you will be absolved of any and all sin.” You cannot bare to hear any more pain filled noises from your wife, so you lie, admit to what ever wrong doing they insist you did and ask for forgiveness.
The Bishop nods at the dungeon guards who begin to push your wife forward then yank her back. It only takes a few minutes for your wife to pass out from the pain. They take her from the wall and turn her around, her breasts are ripped to shreds, the meat is hanging loosely from her chest. Blood is dripping down to the floor in thick drops.
You are yanked up from your seat quickly and your head is placed on an oak block. Before you can tell your wife you are sorry, your head is disconnected from your body. Praise Jesus! Your wife is left to return to your village as a warning, nobody will speak to her, or go near her. She is forever ruined, she is forever marred by one of the instruments of torture used called the Breast Ripper, and your soul gets to spend eternity in hell for lying. Seems legit.
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