I love cannibalism phone sex, especially during this month of Thanksgiving. I am so grateful that there are so many stupid bitches around that I can have for dinner. Literally. I have been watching cooking shows for months now to learn the proper seasonings for white meat. I like dark meat too, but there are far more dumb drunk white girls roaming the malls and bars of America. I have learned a few things over the years of preparing special holiday feasts. Always have back up meat. Sometimes you grab a meal on the go and don’t realize until you get home it is already spoiled or way past its expiration date.
Nothing ruins meat more than too many tattoos; or fake boobs and butt implants. Plastic surgery and a face full of Botox means you are a practice meal at best. I don’t serve my friends anything but the best, purest meat. I have a sweet young thing chained in the back yard as I type. She is free range, eating corn meal and protein so her meat with be extra juicy come Thanksgiving Day. I also have a not so sweet thing who is giving the Kardashian twits a run for their money in the fake department. She is a barely legal girl already addicted to plastic surgery and chemicals. Honestly, she will do society far more good as a practice meal. I am just putting her out of everyone’s misery, including her own.
It got messy, but I extracted her breast and butt implants. Shaved her head so the bleach would not ruin her flavor. I flavored her body in a yummy butter sauce. Slow roasted her over an open flame on a bed of veggies. Even put an ear of corn in both ends as a side dish. The key is letting the sauce absorb into the skin. This can be obtained with an overnight sauté or good meat tenderizing before roasting. I like a slow roast. Sure there may be some screams as the heat consumes your meal, but ultimately it just makes the meat so much more tender and sweet.
I applied some cooking tips I learned from Rachel Ray and I pretty much turned Spam into Lamb. Even golden brown. Tender and juicy all around. A nice aroma. And seasoned to perfection. She yielded way too much meat for me alone, and I never let a meal go to waste, so I put parts in my Ninja blender. Made some protein shakes for the real meal grazing in the backyard and some diced meat for sandwiches. I so can’t wait for Thanksgiving. Want to join me for a very special meal? You can bring a special side dish and we can trade recipes!
