You remember that insipid song “That Girl is Poison,” by Bel Biv Devo? I hate hip hop, but that song is my anthem. I am poison. Literally. When there is a man that annoys the fuck out of me, who won’t take no for an answer, who won’t get a fucking clue that I am not interested in him, I put on my special lipstick and give him head to die for. Meet Charlie. He used to a live mother fucker. Now he a dead mother fucker. Why? Because he mistook me for some pathetic desperate needy bitch playing hard to get. Listen up ass hats. When I say move along loser, you better fucking move along.
Charlie hit on me at the grocery store. Like my “Goth I could kill you with my eyes look” wasn’t enough of a clue. He missed the big box of tampons and bottle of Midol I was holding. His biggest mistake was grabbing my arm as I tried to get into my car. Yes, the annoying fucker followed me to my car trying to get my phone number after hearing “fuck off you annoying loser” at least a dozen times. I got in my car, took a nice deep breath, and applied my special red lipstick. “You know, you are right. Of course I want to fuck you. I bet you have a huge cock and are being so persistent because you know the only cure for my cramps is a big fucking cock,” I said sarcastically. The sarcasm of course was lost on the loser.
All he heard was fuck and his dick was out of his pants. I laughed, but of course he had no clue I was laughing at his shrunken baby dick. I wrapped my lips around his sorry ass excuse for a penis, counted to 5, took my mouth off his loser dick and guzzled down some mouth wash as I watched the poison take effect in the parking lot of Krogers. The paralysis set in, which made it easy to push him into the back seat of my car, so I could toss him in a wooded area on my way home. I watched as his body transformed into some zombie plague looking creature. When his dick fell off, I started singing Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust.” I should be getting paid for riding the world of annoying tiny dick mother fuckers. I dare you to hit on me with that shrimp dick of yours. I’m a castration junkie and I’ve got 99 problems but small junk ain’t one.
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